And what do we do when all our friends leave for the weekend for some kind of ridiculous nature-walk vision-quest nonsense? That's right. We weep the bitter tears of the lonesome, we use a gift card at Subway, and then we go on a date. Yes, in that order.
Incidentally, my sandwich wasn't that great at Subway. My gift card wasn't good, or good enough, for a premium sandwich, which I suppose is the kind of fancy-pants aristocratic super-meal I prefer. So I tried a tuna sandwich with all the fixin's.
(Now there is a curiosity of punctuation. "Fixin's" looks like the name of an out of the way diner, while "fixins'" looks like what the diner would stick on the sign out front. Is there no hope for compromise? I'll have my top men working round the clock till I crack this case cold.)
Right, my fixin's. I used to love tuna at Subway, and pretty much never ordered anything else whenever I went there in high school. But last night I could barely stand it. Why so, you ask? What changed? Well get ready for a possibly super gross story, depending on how vividly you paint the picture I'll present.
On my mission one of my companions made the best omelette: egg, onion, and tuna. And that's it. You can see where this is going, but I'll be the legal guardian of any type of subhuman primate if it wasn't completely delicious. So one day I struck out to make it on my own. Bad decision, right? Wrong. It was just as delicious. Not too hard to mess that up.
But that night was the night I started to come down with the flu. Several vomit sessions and one blurred passage of time later, I was better, and thought I'd try to make that omelette again. No dice: once I made it, it was as repulsive to me as the idea of it was to you when you first heard about it. I did some experimenting, and I had no problem with plain tuna, plain egg, or plain onions, nor with any of them in league with other ingredients. But when they combined forces in any capacity, it would shut me down and bring out the worst in me. So to speak.
Well you can bet I asked for onions on my tuna sandwich last night. Waste of a gift card. Dear me, though, thank goodness I didn't ask for eggs.
