Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Confessions of a Borderline Sub-Genius.

So fun fact of the day. Yesterday evening I took my custom for the evening meal to the ever-illustrious Del Taco. I ate my taco on the way to my friend's house a few minutes away, and by the time I got there, was left with less taco than I began with, but more trash. Problem, right? Wrong. There's a Dumpster on the way. I am efficiency and brilliance incarnate. Thus, on the way inside, I tossed my food—that is to say, my food's wrapper and bag—into the Dumpster outside. Makes sense, right? Trash goes in the trash. Plain and simple. I may not know much in this confusing world, but I do know that.

Not so fast. Just because I know where trash goes does not mean that I am good at separating my iPod from the trash before disposal. I distinctly remember tossing the bag in, presumably after I'd gotten my iPod out of my pocket and was holding it, and thinking it felt slightly heavier than I should have expected. Inexplicably, I had gotten it out in the same hand as I was holding my garbage, a foot away from the Dumpster.

I've never (publicly) claimed my genius to be infallible, though I've never denied it either. I'm not going to waste this moment officially taking the common stance on my lack of common sense, but I'm pretty sure you can piece it together on your own and figure out how smart I feel at the moment.

Remember when I felt like the bag was heavier than I expected? Well, I shrugged that right off until about two hours later when I could not find my iPod for the life of me. I called three times asking for help looking in the places it might have been. Thank goodness I ran through my usual suspects: under a couch cushion, behind the couch, or in the garbage.

Once I was walking through the downtown area and a guy in a trenchcoat tried to sell me stupid insurance. I took everything he had. I'm at such high risk, I just can't afford to take any chances.

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